So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
