When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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