Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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