i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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