Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
