What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
