"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
