He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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