Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
