Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She's the barista slut.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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