K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
