Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
