You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
