Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
