Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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