I love black thongs
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
