Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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