everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
