I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
