dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
