I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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