I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
