she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize