So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
