Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Someone signed my nipple.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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