remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
