if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
