Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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