His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
