I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
