I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
