if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
