That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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