So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
