i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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