we have pet lesbian snakes
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sorry about my life...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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