Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
