some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
