taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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