At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
