You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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