There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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