Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
