Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So many bounce houses so little time
She bit a glass in half.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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