sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
