I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
