i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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