Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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