Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
