I showed him my bush... on skype.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
