a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
