I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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