best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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